Augen auf, Ich komme.

It really sucks when a good day goes wrong. I mean, really, everything could be fine, just relaxed and all. Suddenly, something invariably destroys the peace and the mindset.

Why? I will expound that following, but first, some observations.

Observation 1:
I should know better than to tempt Fate as I do every day of my life. I doubt that I will ever stop playing the game with Destiny anytime soon, perhaps when I have learned a final lesson from Death I'll look back and say, "Well, fine mess you made. Time to be rectified." On a daily basis, I look him in the face and laugh. I giggle at the insanity of the world; I scoff at the wars and battles of mankind; and I most definitely will not pay heed to the machinations of the greater United States of America. What concerns me, on the contrary, is the idea that it is all part of a plan. I understand and accept that, no matter what I think I can do, whatever I think I have a choice of doing is really something that was meant to happen despite the case. I do not have control over the universe; instead, I choose to accept the control the universe has over me. In my day-to-day living, I know there are "choices" that I do make, choices that ultimately do make a difference in how I live, but such choices are already decided. If something is, it is because it was meant to be. Destiny must be laughing at me from across the way. So, realistically, this blog was meant to be.

Observation 2:
In the confines of my ego, there is a certain sense of Pride, of doing things in a way that I find make me somehow "better" or beyond another. In that same ego is the seed of Zweiful (Doubt), out of which rises the ghost of Ausfall (Failure). Now, Doubt plays his role exceedingly well. He is much the sniper in the trees, one who chooses when and how to grip the hearts of men in a black fist of what the Germans call "angst." Angst, on the other hand, takes Zweifel's place when the prior begins to cross the line of extremity. Angst is as much a shadow as she is a sensation that can be felt. The sweat beads on your brow, the moisture in your throat hides away, the eyes fear Angst and retreat as you squint to see, physically or mentally, what it is that comes after you. The blood speeds in your veins, your hands, now fists, shake at a noiseless terror. Your chest rises and falls with the filling of your lungs, pulling in the air slowly, less with each breath. Your body stiffens as you turn to face it, and that is the end. Such is the part played by Angst in our dealings. Now, Ausfall is invited to torment you by Angst, they are cousins, after all. Ausfall does less damage physically than Angst, much less so considering how very sensitive you are. However, Angst fades in time. Ausfall remains, ever haunting the mind. Ich lebe mit Ausfall und Angst und Macht und Zweiful jetzt.

Observation 3:
There is little to be done about the feelings one holds him or herself to, especially if there is no vocal or spiritual outlet by which they feel they can release themselves of, or enhance thereby, such feelings. Given, there is not always a time, nor a place, for the human to even think about the release, in which case that individual may lose control. Some cases call for the individual to bury their feelings deep within the psyche, hiding, on the surface, at least, the condition in which they reside from some of the world. This is an effective technique in isolating the self from the rest of the universe, but often results in damage to the self both physically and emotionally, seen often in cases of depression or self-loathing.

I knew today was going too well. There was too much + and not enough -. Now, there's a surplus in the latter, and I may as well be on my way to Holle.

Der Himmel war leer
Der Mensch wollte mehr
Das Schicksal war klar.