[something.native]

Twenty-two and counting.

2008-08-18T16:50:00.003-10:00

So, it's nearly my birthday. Big twenty-second official day of being out in the world, outside the biological protection gifted me by maternity. Some people might consider it worth celebrating on a massive scale - to imagine that one would have managed to live this long without falling deathly ill or gaining enemies from ill-gotten goods and activities - with friends, family, and whoever else happens to be around.

What's there to celebrate? Really, someone give me a clue here.

As far as I can tell, I've just managed to suck up resources, mainly time and money, from the people and world around me. The only benefit that I can see to it is such that I've been able to provide certain people services, labor or otherwise, that have impacted their short-term living. When people have questions, I try to listen first and answer when needed. Do I want to solve the problems of the world? No way. I'm much more inclined to let the world figure out its own solutions, let the people work out their own lives and be thus proud of having done it on their own. I suppose I'm a real stickler for making sure that an individual knows how to do whatever is necessary for them to do without relying on other individuals. Albeit, this isn't much for the juxtaposition in my mind of community/communal values, wherein all the participants contribute in some meaningful way, often enough using specific talents and abilities to better their quality of life. In a way, it's very problematic to suggest this, mainly because I have relied on the assistance and support of so many people that, without their contributions, I could not be here. I would not exist. Maybe I've just decided to credit humanity on its progress and simultaneously bemoan its ineptitude between divisions of class, race, creed, and the like. Simply put, learn to depend less on the things the world does around you. Learn to make your own way, learn to motivate yourself and get to the things you want to do after you've gotten to the things you need to do.

Seems like people would really like to celebrate me (as if I were something to celebrate). I don't see what the fuss about it is. To me, it will feel like any old Wednesday - another day to live through, another middle-of-the-week-lazy-morning. So be it! That's all I care to experience it as. I don't deserve special treatment, nor do I require that anyone else feel the need to buy me presents or lavish me in a fete of tradition and symbolism, almost all of which is perfectly normal in the greater scheme of society. Maybe I'm unconsciously afraid of aging, or perhaps I've accepted the fact that every day develops based on what I choose to do. I don't believe that anyone should devalue what time we're given to live, but in my own thinking, I don't care to fret about it. Milestones might be worth considering as especial moments, like the erratic splash of a single raindrop in deep, calm waters. They happen, set off all kinds of busyness and the collective experiences spread out and away. Eventually, you fail to recall them, fondly, disparagingly, however it works. They fade and become part of that larger body of water in an infinitesimally small increase. The lake becomes slightly larger, one drop bigger, but to the casual eye, there's no telling there was even a drop to begin with.

I'm not depressed, mind you. I'm just looking at things from some kind of bitter, removed point-of-view, haha.

Okay. Birthday. 22. Twenty-second. I'm "turning 22." Iwakaluakumalua makahiki o'u. Whoopee. Frabjous day, calloo callay. I have things for which I am thankful, having survived twenty-two years of uncertain living conditions and questionable influences, haha. But what have I been doing recently, you ask? Carving. Running. Cleaning house. Sleeping (lots of it). De-stressing. Not much musical playing or compositioning, but lots of listening. A great deal of thinking, too. Maybe thinking too much? Trying to research, trying to learn. Lots of attempts at becoming great. Not many success stories, but enough encouragement around to keep my ego from completely deflating.

I don't have any cool adventures or ridiculous experiences to cajole you with. I don't have a bunch of awards or accolades to impress. All I did this summer was described above, in varying degrees of intensity. I'm satisfied with the way things worked out. Could I have done more? Oh, sure. I have no doubt that so many things "could have" been completed, or at least started. Unfortunately, that is not the case. Sounds boring, doesn't it? Well, it wasn't.

I guess... more blogging to come in the near future. I'll have things to say about research and reflections on life, but for now, I'm turning twenty-two.

2008-08-10T18:54:00.002-10:00

This is a joint production brought to you by Daniel Maile & Cody Hensarling (http://codyhensarling.blogspot.com/). We actually researched this piece for a couple of hours and pared down a larger list of Women to Watch to get the 8 most deserving. Enjoy...

1. Nicole Reinhardt (GER)- Canoe/Kayak

Cody: Reinhardt is a tenacious German kayaker who is known for her versatility. Strong in the K-1, K-2, and K-4 disciplines at a variety of lengths, Reinhardt has tasted victory at the '08 World Cup, the '08 European Championships, and the '07 World Championships. Serving the German community as a public servant, Reinhardt is also one of the more well-liked athletes representing them at the Beijing Games.
Daniel: Well, in my estimation, she has the cuteness and the hotness needed to make this list. She looks like the kind of girl you could take to a party, have fun, but could probably have just as much fun relaxing.
Cody: I can think of 2 good reasons to watch her... Plus, she's cute.
Daniel: I'm thinking camping trips... and she's from the mother land, Deutschland uber alles.

2. Guo Jingjing (CHN)- Diving (3m Springboard Synchronized, and 3m Springboard Solo)

Cody: Guo is one of China's true athletic celebrities. She was estimated to have earned $2 million in endorsements in the year 2007 alone, unheard of for a diver. She was so successful as a public figure that the Chinese team threatened to kick her off the Beijing Olympic Team if she didn't retreat from public life and its "excessive commercialism". Oh, and by the way, she has 2 golds and 2 silvers coming into the games and just won the synchro.
Daniel: Ah, Guo...
Cody: There's something strangely seductive in her eyes
Daniel: She reminds me a little of Zhang Ziyi, mixed in with a little Michelle Yeoh.
Cody: I think it's the eyebrows, they aren't what you'd expect from a Chinese woman.
Daniel: She makes me think, wow, she's extremely pretty, but in a seductive, naively come-hither way.
Cody: Yeah, you get the impression that she doesn't fully understand her allure,
Daniel: or that she's unaware of it.
Cody: It's refreshing,
Daniel: which makes it even MORE alluring!

3. Christina Vukicevic (NOR)- Track & Field (100m Hurdles)

Cody: Just 20 years old, Vukicevic is one of the up and coming hopes for the Norwegian track team. Her best international performance to date is a 2nd place finish at the 2006 World Junior Championships in Beijing. Norway is not known as a summer sports power, but has in recent years gained a little more international credibility.
Daniel: Determined, cute, and unafraid to run the extra lap. You have to love that kind of indomitable spirit... along with those abs.
Cody: Ah, yes, it is quite amazing to see someone who specializes in overcoming hurdles. And has abs of steel.
Daniel: I bet she has a side job as being one of the valkyries that come down from Valhalla to sweep the battlefields of dead heroes, whisking them away to an eternity of awesomeness... and abs.

4. Alyona Bondarenko (UKR)- Tennis (Women's Singles & Doubles)

Cody: Bondarenko has been ranked as high as #19 in the world, and is one of the top singles players at the Olympics. In truth, she is much more well known for her doubles prowess with her sister Kateryna. Together, they won the 2008 Australian Open. She has 6 singles titles to go with 11 doubles crowns.
Daniel: Alyona Bondarenko. Just look at her name. In it, you see "abandon," as in, "abandon all hope, ye who look upon this beauty." I'm somehow imagining what would happen if Sharapova and Kournikova came together and had a baby...kova.
Cody: She wants me to be pure... This is just not fair! Why are women always so cruel?
Daniel: Pure like fallen snow. Pure like silk on soft skin. Pure like creamy, melting white chocolate spread over decadent fudge cake with sprinkles and- Oh, Lord. I think I just had an aneurysm... of love.
Cody: Is that what that's called these days?
Daniel: I don't know. All I know is that I need to plan a trip to the Ukraine.

5. Kerri Walsh (USA)- Beach Volleyball

Cody: 99 Career International titles. World Champion and defending Olympic Gold Medalist. Won 75 of 76 matches since 2006. Is there anything else that needs to be said? Walsh and Misty May-Treanor are the greatest pairing in Beach Volleyball history. At a towering 6'2", Walsh is by far the most dominant presence at the net in the tournament. If she doesn't win Gold, it will redefine the term 'upset'.
Daniel: Kerri Walsh has that old "Je ne sais quoi" about her. Maybe it's the great competitive spirit. Maybe it's the way she dominates the sand. Maybe it's the whole always-wearing-the-bikini-thing.
Cody: Kerri makes me want to learn how to come from behind as well as she does.
Daniel: I can't help but wonder why she's not playing for a Greek team, considering she's the perfect Amazonian, make-your-heartbeat-skip-and-slam-the-ace type of Olympian athlete.
Cody: Amazonian is right, Kerri is just impressive; period.
Daniel: She makes me want to climb something.

6. Marinella Falca (ITA)- Rhythmic Gymnastics

Cody: An integral member of the dangerous Italian Rhythmic Gymnastics team, Falca already has a silver medal, earned at the Athens games in the Group Competition. Falca specializes in the Hoop and Clubs and is known for her pixie-like facial expressions.
Daniel: Marinella is just too darn cute. She has the look of the girl next door, but I bet that Italian blood makes her more than capable of bringing the heat when it comes down to it. Plus, her warm-ups are probably considered a national treasure.
Cody: She plays with balls for medals and they call it art. How exactly does one go about getting one of those judging gigs?
Daniel: You pray to the Almighty Father and ask him to give you a little bit of heaven before you die. That's how.
Cody: I've have a craving for Italian. And maybe some pasta, too...
Daniel: I'll have a heaping helping of Marinella with a side of drop-dead-sweetness. Oh, she comes with it? Molto bene.

7. Charlotte Craig (USA)- Taekwondo

Cody: Charlotte "Charley" Craig has been the best American in her weightclass since age 14. Standing at just 5'5'', Craig is one of the favorites in the flyweight division. Already impressive in her own right, after training with the "first family of Taekwondo", the Lopez family, Craig is a complete fighter.
Daniel: I don't care how tall she is, that girl can throw me clear across a room. That's hot.
Cody: I swear there's a movie to be made here. She's blonde, from California, and schools Japanese at their national pastime? C'mon... Any girl that can look hot in the clown gear that they make the taekwondo fighters wear is a 10 in my book.
Daniel: She's got style. She's got flair. She's got looks that kill and a kick that will RUIN YOU. What more could you ask for in a girl her age? I mean, she's not even in her twenties yet!

8. Ophelie-Cyrielle Etienne (FRA)- Swimming

Cody: I'm not even going to try. I don't even know what event(s) she's entered in. She's cute. She's French. She's listed on nbcolympics.com. What more do you want?
Daniel: I want her to hand-feed me chocolate-dipped French strawberries. That's what.

Dream

2008-01-05T11:41:00.002-10:00

This morning, I dreamt odd dreams. I dreamt of saving a kingdom in what seemed to be Mongolia, but with great, monolithic structures, or at least exploring it. I was somehow able to tell, after the dream moved to a wet, green, forested area in which there was a single, wooden shack, that a baby had one of his teeth forcibly removed and replaced with a gold coin by a Buddhist monk of some sort. He had taken the tooth for his own, and I used some kind of power to remove it from his mouth without touching him and remove the coin from the babies mouth, but I did not replace the tooth. I also remember a long wall, like the Great Wall of China, but stretching far across the desert.

The next part of the dream, I seemed to be walking through the main chamber of a huge palace, the gray light of morning piercing through the windows in the uppermost sections of the walls. It had Arabic influences in the general style and aesthetics. As I was walking, I either heard or started singing a song with no lyrics, but it was mournful, and the odd part was I felt I had sung it before. Looking around, I saw ladies in waiting, all clothed in white silk, their faces covered all but for their eyes. To the right, as I passed a group of ladies in waiting sitting near a woman whose silk shone like the sun, I heard a voice that seemed to identify me walking through. It was a motherly voice, but it commanded respect. I did not stop, I could only turn to look at her, covered similarly in white silk, but hers was embroidered with gold and jewels. I continued to walk across the palace to the door on the other side, opened it, and ran to a courtyard full of tigers. The singing continued and grew louder, more somber than it had been in the building. I ran to one of the tigers, a huge creature that lumbered towards me. I grabbed its furry face with two hands in a loving embrace and began to cry, and it cried with me. The last part I can remember is the camera moving out to a view of me, who was apparently a female in a very Arabic-style outfit, weeping with my forehead against the tiger's forehead in a garden surrounded by other tigers and white petals falling from the sky.

This was not a recurring dream.

No more Neverneverland

2008-01-02T19:38:00.000-10:00

Gotta grow up sometime.

This is the year I start being independent instead of being so dependent on other people. It's my duty to stay ahead of the curve, to keep track of things and make sure I'm doing what needs to be done before what doesn't need to be done.

What needs to be done? Plenty.

Schoolwork, again, takes precedence.
Work-work will be three full days a week.
Home-time, whether it be cleaning or just being at home, is up there on the list.
E hana ana i na mea Hawai'i ma ka mana limalima.

I got stuff to do, and very little stopping me from doing it.

My schedule is hectic, but whose isn't these days? Heck, half the day, my house is empty, save the dog. Best/Worst part about it is that the family is getting used to the idea of schedules being so out of whack that we barely get home in time to eat dinner before 8. It's great.

Here's the thing about this mindset I need to adopt/adapt to my daily routine: nothing about it suggest that I am never in control of my own situation.

This is something I still struggle with on a weekly basis. Do I own my life, or does my life own me? I don't like to think that everything else is telling me where to go, how to dress and what to be, but it creeps into my mind occasionally. This is the year that no one tells me who I need to be. It has to be.

Part of that is not letting anyone else talk for me, not letting anyone else be accountable for my actions but me.

I've been watching movies recently, Black Hawk Down, Monty Python and the Holy Grail, even the horribly-told Dragon Wars, and I can't help but wonder how the plot and characters in my life are going to be portrayed later on. It's an interesting feeling.

New Year's Eve 2007

2007-12-31T16:04:00.001-10:00

Recently, Men's Health magazine's posted a certain list online called "50 Things Men Wish You Knew." I took a look and found myself agreeing with a fare share of them, which will follow below:

1. Express yourself. It makes us proud, even if someone thinks you're wrong.

2. You look hot in running shoes and shorts. And that top thingy with the stripes (Addendum here: for local girls, tank-tops and sports shorts tickle me fancy).

3. Bare, tan shoulders are underrated.

5. If you're truly interested in us, don't play hard to get.

7. When I screw up, go ahead and tell me--once.

9. I'm hot for you, not your sister or your friend or your coworker.

10. My guy friends. Not only are they not negotiable, they’re your best sign that I’m not a whack job.

11. Don't be afraid to ditch the makeup. Natural is sexier.

12. Leave the eyebrows alone. Plucked ain't pretty.

17. We crave hugs and hand-holding too. And no, it doesn't always have to lead to you-know-what.

21. I just may lie to make you feel good. Don’t be angry about this. You really weren't looking for the truth anyway.

22. When you get angry over some stupid little pointless thing, I question your intelligence.

33. We love ponytails.

37. Make us laugh and we'll want to hang around.

38. Yes, I laugh really loud around the guys. And I always will, so deal.

40. You can pick the movie, but have a reason.

42. Sometimes we wonder why any woman would want to be with us, much less someone as amazing as you. So, thanks.

45. No, I don't remember what he said next. Or she. Or anybody, for that matter. I'm a guy, not a tape recorder.

48. We have a keen sense of imminent danger. It sounds like, "Do you think she's pretty?"

49. Don't rely on us for keeping you up on the news.

50. Never say, "I know you better than you know yourself." Nobody does.

The original list can be found here: 50 Things Men Wish You Knew.

While I don't often find myself reading things like Men's Health, the list really does raise a few good points about the priorities that men and women do, and do not, share. This is not to say, however, that this applies in all cases. A good deal of my female friends and acquaintances know better about this stuff than the average American woman, but some people still don't get it.

Also, I'm not openly proclaiming myself a man's-man or anything of that nature. I'm not some random college-aged dude without half a brain. Still, I have come to understand my existence as a guy is intersected often enough by members of the opposite sex, and since I know some just don't get how guys are, this is to help you out.

Returning to prior notions, there are definite differences between how men and women prioritize things on a daily basis, again, speaking generally to the point.

(More to follow later tonight)

e-Me

2007-12-28T08:49:00.000-10:00

I used to blog daily when Xanga was hot
In the days before MySpace was king
Now, I'm [something.native] on Blogspot
Simple interface and entry makes my heart sing

Used to have more than a few profiles
MySpace, Facebook, Friendster, too
I learned to tweak all my CSS styles
Used to ask the random people, "So, who are you?"

This is e-Me
My online identity
For all the world to see
This is e-Me

Still go onto Digg, have my look-arounds
Can't help but stop by Neatorama
Spend an hour or so on Newgrounds
4chan if I need a dose of drama

Can't go wrong with Wikipedia
Information, sound and some media
BBC News got the worldwide scoop
Keeps me informed and in the loop

This is e-Me
My online identity
For all the world to see
This is e-Me

Reggae

2007-12-25T19:44:00.000-10:00

Don't want no songs about romance
Can't stand trying to pretend
Give I a song about violence
Something I can understand

Give I a beat that I can fight to, oh
A melody with a right-left hook, ooh
Don't want to feel feelings anymore
Run I outside, bust down the door

Toss I a clip, I-ah pick up my gun
Like to hear the laughing AK-47
Easier to deal with the stress
When I blast hole in a man and leave 'im a mess

Oh, why, why does love hurt?
Oh, why, why does love sting?
Oh, why, why does love burn?
Oh, where, where the ending?

UH won against Washington.

2007-12-01T22:52:00.000-10:00

We rock.

Kakau: Mana limalima

2007-11-16T18:47:00.000-10:00

elemental

2007-11-06T09:21:00.000-10:00

I am the rain
Tears of heaven on your face
I am the downpour
Filling up the whole place

I am the lightning
Off in the distance, you can see
I am the thunder
My steps tell the story

I am the cloud
Hanging about your shoulders
I am the wind
Blowing colder and colder

I am the snow
White blanket on the land
I am the blizzard
Thick to blind your hand

I am the storm
Bringing darkness all around
I am the hurricane
Bringing all your dreams to the ground

dream log

2007-10-28T08:17:00.000-10:00

I seemed to be wandering around the mainland US or something, wearing pants and a nice dress shirt, although the pants' cuffs were absolutely filthy. I ended up at a huge construction place that sunk into what looked like a crater, but wasn't, and the place itself was actually a huge lumber mill. I managed to work my way down the steep incline, all red dirt, and me without slippers or anything. I got down to the bottom and started walking around the equipment. The stuff was monstrous, like those movies where you see a future full of monolithic things littering the landscape. I managed to find my way to some kind of office in a large hangar-like building. I think I met the site manager, or someone important, and he had me sign some kind of sign-in sheet. In the office, there was a cute, hapa-Japanese/Chinese secretary girl. After she heard who I was, she somehow started smiling and told me we were related. I inquired as to how, but she never gave me an answer as she got some kind of phone call.

The second part of the dream, a transition for which there was none, moved to an almost WarCraft 3 kind of game view, sans HUD. The map/land was an island with a great mountain in the central area. On the coasts, small forces began to colonize and expand territories. There seemed to be humans and orcs, and although I do not remember specific troop types, I recall a blue force fighting a red force at the foot of the mountain. There were many soldiers on both sides, massive armies battling on the plains. The voices were more or less reminiscent of what you would expect from either side. The view switched from aerial to 3rd-person, flying over the battlefield.

I've skipped a few dreams since the last update, but those were private.

Dream Journal - 10/22/07

2007-10-22T09:29:00.000-10:00

I know it had to be the TV. I dreamt about something, but now I can't remember. What I do remember is that it involved me, Shaggy and Scooby Doo in some room, hiding from a monster or something like that. I gotta stop watching the new Scooby movies they play on Cartoon Network.

In other news, inspirational music and a question: listen carefully to the lyrics; would you be like that for me?

Dream Log - 10/21/07

2007-10-21T06:11:00.000-10:00

Okay, now I know I'm having issues.

The first part of the dream was pretty real. It involved me waking up around 11 or 12 in the morning, realizing I was not only still at home but late for class and work. I was, expectedly, very flustered by this. But this is where it all changed up. Apparently, the world was experiencing some kind of apocalyptic destruction. Hellish demons and zombies and crosses between the two were attacking people. Somehow, I was boarded up in my house against these things, but they got in. Apparently, other people were at the house, as well. One of the things, which pretty much looked like something out of Resident Evil, but less dead, managed to corner me and three other people in my bedroom and attempted to get in through the hallway door. Didn't work to its advantage. In fact, we were able to trick it into running into my room. Then, we beat it with conveniently-placed sticks found in my closet. We also decided to break it up into pieces, or something, and I remember an image of the whole body broken up like a dry cracker. After that, there was some sense that what we had done was all just part of a TV show, that everything was fake and we had finished a shoot. I then proceeded to walk out into the hall, look into my parents' room and see some Filipino girl sitting on the bed in a busboy uniform. That's when I woke up.

Can anyone tell me what's wrong with me?

dream log - 10/20/07

2007-10-20T07:21:00.000-10:00

Okay, I'm really just too tired to bullet all the stuff out.

For the most part, it was me in some slightly normal social situation, which was hanging out somewhere (seemed to be a church, or at least the interior was) and finding myself more and more attracted to a certain someone I know in real life.

Problem was that, in the dream, we ended up having a kind of fight/argument because she felt we couldn't really be together. The worst part about it was I just let it go.

Not the best way to start a Saturday morning.

untitled

2007-10-16T15:01:00.000-10:00

He moves with purpose, with determination. Every step is planned. Every movement is deliberate. Each breath is spent carefully. His gait is timed so predictably that he could close his eyes and know his footfalls. He walks with a sense of importance. His urgency is apparent in the rigidity of his body, but he is still at ease. He masks himself in an elaborate display for the benefit of those around him, his eyes obscured by the reflective protection of his new sunglasses. The windows to his soul are closed, boarded up in darkness that cannot be penetrated by a mere glance.

He feels everything. There is no emotion that is unknown to him. Still, he betrays nothing to the outside world that he does not himself control. To those around him, he is the same as he has always been, a cheerful young man whose compassionate spirit and magnetic personality have brought him many friends. They do not see the hurt written in the lines on his face, the stories of pain told in the dark circles around his eyes. They do not see these things because he does not let them see.

He turns on his music and loses himself in the verses, the only place where he can open up his heart and pour out all the despair, the madness and the insanity that has accumulated over the course of the day. Whether it be walking around or moving in a vehicle, the quiet moments he affords himself are the moments he takes to ponder. He glances at his watch in a timely fashion, wondering when the day will end and the night will bring sleep. But his sleep is no more restful than his waking dreams, and he dreads the blanket of unconsciousness even more than the real world. In the real world, he can escape under his own volition. In his dreams, he is powerless to move, powerless to protest what he sees. The depth of his fears robs his fantasies of their color; instead, he sees firsthand the desolation that a broken spirit brings.

dream log - 10.14.07

2007-10-14T07:29:00.000-10:00

I have no idea anymore.
-----------------------------------
- Arctic base / scientific research center somewhere icy and cold
- Some kind of research dealing with drilling into ice and analyzing samples
- My current job at an IT company was somehow involved because my old boss was there asking if I'd finished a project
- I became involved and had relations with a girl I know in real life, but have no intention of even talking to (creepy feeling, trust me)

sunglasses

2007-10-09T09:25:00.001-10:00

i don't wear these glasses
for fashion's sake. I wear them
for me.
i wear them
because they make you look
at you.
and you don't really see me.

they give me a degree of freedom,
to be secret and public
simultaneously.

when i want to disappear
i can disappear behind these reflections.
reflections of you on me.

they are curtains for my mind,
i close these windows to my thoughts
and you are left hearing
only
my voice.

do you really know
what i am
saying?

More Songage

2007-09-24T04:45:00.001-10:00

I'll go my way, you'll go yours
Said our goodbyes, there's not much more
Enjoy your life, I wish you well
That's the story, nothing else to tell
But...

You'll go your way, I'll go mine
Eventually, it'll all be fine
I hope you've put me out of your mind
'Cause you've got higher mountains to climb

Time for me to move right on
To live my life, to chase the sun
I've still got dreams that keep me going
And I can't let all these tears be showing

Whoa-oh, it's time to show
Whoa-oh, hard to let go
Whoa-oh, these things I know
Oh, but I need time to heal and grow

Song 3 - Untitled (thus far)

2007-09-15T08:27:00.000-10:00

Nothing lasts forever, but maybe that is better
(Oh) Nothing lasts forever for me

It seems it might be better if things lasted for never
Because nothing lasts forever for me

Hopeless - Song 2!

2007-09-14T08:39:00.001-10:00

[Verse]
I've lost sight of the future,
Sewn up my life in sutures,
And I just can't see how this will end well

I've got nowhere to go home to,
No one to hold on to,
And even now, I'm not sure I'm all right

[Pre-chorus]
Seems like things just might go good for me
But I don't really have any guarantee

[Chorus]
I'm hopeless
Can't hardly move my feet
I'm hopeless
Forgotten how to eat
I'm hopeless
Like after all this time,
I've finally lost my mind
I'm hopeless

[Verse]
I've written on a Post-It
The things that I have noticed
It's not real long, just everything I've loved

If you'd ever care to read it,
All you'd have to do is see it
And then I think you'd know what it means

[Pre-chorus]
Yet I stare into that familiar night sky
And I can't help but sit there and wonder why

[Chorus]
I'm hopeless
Can't hardly move my feet
I'm hopeless
Forgotten how to eat
I'm hopeless
Like after all this time,
I've finally lost my mind
I'm hopeless

[Verse-rap]

[Chorus]
I'm hopeless
Can't hardly move my feet
I'm hopeless
Forgotten how to eat
I'm hopeless
Like after all this time,
I've finally lost my mind
I'm hopeless

Song 1 (parts of it)

2007-09-13T00:47:00.001-10:00

[Verse]
Here's to remembering our notions
To dismembering my emotions
Here's to all the things I used to know
There were good times, there were bad times
From Chili's egg rolls to movie lines
But now that things are different,
I think I need to vent

[Pre-chorus]
I guess I can't complain, I caused myself the pain
But hey, things they were good for a time, and I miss those good times
I'll keep the memories, and let my thinking wander as I please...

[Chorus]
Just leave me be, and I'll just be me
I shouldn't talk at all
If anything, I should just sing
For now, just let me be

[Verse2]
Here's to remembering our notions
To dismembering my emotions
Here's to all the things I used to know
There were good times, there were bad times
From Chili's egg rolls to movie lines
But now that things are different,
I think I need to vent

[Pre-chorus]
I guess I can't complain, I caused myself the pain
But hey, things they were good for a time, and I miss those good times
I'll keep the memories, and let my thinking wander as I please...

[Chorus]
Just leave me be, and I'll just be me
I shouldn't talk at all
If anything, I should just sing
For now, just let me be

07.18.07

2007-07-18T14:52:00.001-10:00

So, the last few days, I've been waking up in the night and early in the mornings after going through weird nightmares. Here follows my notes of such. I may expand on them sometime in the ~~near~~ future, but for now, I'm just hoping there aren't any more to come.

---------------
(07.17.07)
I just woke up from what can be described as the creepiest, most realistically disturbing dream I've had in a really long time. I'm going to write notes for the time being, as it is six in the morning, and I have to go to work.

- Opening sequence something like people, dressed in business attire, running away from giant grinding cylinder; one guy looks like the actor playing Daniel on SG:1; all of them fall in a pit, darkness
- Moon Myun Sun - leader of a terrorist cult
- Set fire to my house repeatedly from outside near electrical sockets to look as if the wiring was malfunctioning
- Headed by regional cell leaders, three that I saw
- Used friend's name to get in touch with me
- Tried to get into my house, looked like the old house on Momi Way with the interior of the room at my grandparents' house
- Tried to physically hurt me, my loved ones and my friends
*My mom mentioned something about two Japanese girls coming to the house who seemed to be working under some sunshiney cult group that's been around a long time, but I'm not sure how it related completely

---------------
Second nightmare in two days. Notes follow, the rest will come later.

(07.18.07)
- Trapped in a convenience store-type place
- Me and an older guy, non-white, but not sure of the rest
- Surrounded by bandaged=up forms outside, look like giant, nasty, bloody, bandage-wrapped dead twinkies
- Two guys on the other side thrust knives in through window cracks, I manage to steal one, but don't really have an opportunity to use it
- Outside of store, world is gray, city-like, dreamlike
- Announcer in my dream talking about "And, only with your fingers!"

Again, I wake up shaking, confused, short of breath and ready to bolt. ~~I have a theory, but my theories are either supported by someone else's, or complete bunk.~~ I think it's a combination of stress and worry.

Addendum to 07.12.07

2007-07-12T16:28:00.000-10:00

This post was directly inspired by one of my closest friends at HPU

Recently, I had the chance to watch a new blog be born into the world with a rather impressive, slightly professional first post. It got me thinking: "What have I really done with my blog but put in little blurbs?"

Not much, I tell you.

I aim to change that by writing out my feelings, my opinions and my heartfelt appeals in slightly less emo methodologies.

Today, let's talk about something that's been on my mind a great deal recently. No, I'm not talking about missing the love of my life, although I figured I had to work that in here somewhere, I'm talking about my honest attempt in committing to becoming healthier by going back to a regimen of weekly exercise and making changes in my diet. In doing so, I feel I'm taking steps towards making the most of the time I have by getting my body healthy and getting the blood flowing.

I try to run three times a week, and thankfully, I have a running partner who lives close enough to downtown that I bus over to his place, drop off my stuff, change, and then head to Ala Moana Park. The usual time frame for a run is around twenty to twenty-five minutes, but I've been managing to make it around 20 lately. I'm pretty happy with my abilities thus far, considering I could never run well in high school. While I am not at my lightest, I do think I am more fit than I had originally thought myself.

The downside is such that, because I now work full-time, I can't get out of work much earlier than five in the evening, which means I run late and get home later. I tend to get tired pretty easily, too. I barely make it home with enough energy to eat, shower and talk before I crash. It is to be expected until my body gets in the habit, but even now, I'm trying to find some low impact stuff to tone. Squats and lunges seem to my best bet outside of the running, since I want to work those areas into tone-ness.

Back in the day, I never gave my PE teachers their due for pushing me to exercise and be healthy. I really took the lunches at 'Akahi for granted, too, with their lowered fat content and higher-than-normal nutritional value. I also loved having skim milk for free. It really was a high point in my overall health and fitness. In fact, it was a high point in my life in general. I was confident in myself, happy with my world and had only homework and Speech about which to think. It comes to me now that I was, and still am, to many degrees, a very care-free, easygoing fellow. I haven't had to deal with half of the things that most people do in their early years. I consider myself blessed to have not gone through some things, but I wonder if I'll ever get to know the rest of normalcy.

Anyway, fitness.

I feel that, if I stick with it and keep up my activity levels now and during school, I will be able to effect major changes. I'll be losing weight, toning up and using the excess energy that often plagues me at night. True, it will be difficult to throw working out into the everyday schedule, but if I can prioritize my time and make the best of it, I will keep to it. Running before school may be an option, because running after will just be too late. We'll have to see.

In the meantime, I still feel like a fatty, but I know why. These jeans I have on right now are just way too baggy. My mom was right about me needing to get clothes that actually look good on me. Now, I feel confident enough to wear things a little less baggy and more fitting, because I know I'm going to keep moving forward in my habits.

Next time on Something Native: Daniel gets banned from Senate hearings in Zambia, mixing volcanoes and tornadoes, and more tales of interest! Tune in, same time, same hypertext transfer protocol!

07.12.07

2007-07-12T09:50:00.000-10:00

Movies tonight. Thank God for the dollar theatres at Restaurant Row.

I'm poor because I haven't gotten paid yet, and I need to get my money from those other guys who still owe me. They aren't wankers, but they're not far from being given the title "honorary moocher representative at large."

Heh. The day, she begins with a bang and ends with a whimper, non?

It's going to be a long week.

2007-06-15T08:45:00.000-10:00

Gramps is in the hospital today: Friday, June 15th, 2007. It is now about 8:46 and all we know so far is that he is stable, but they're running tests.

I'll start updating, I swear I will.

2007-05-13T10:14:00.000-10:00

This was a paper I wrote for an introductory Sociology class. It received high marks :D
--------

The Reality of MMORPGs
Daniel Maile
Sociology 1000
December 3, 2006

I. Introduction to Online Gaming
The idea of becoming another person, of donning a mask and living another life, has fascinated mankind for thousands of years. Today, human beings have access to a wide variety of material objects that allow them to change into something they believe can make them greater than the people around them. In the real world, these results can be achieved by using things like steroids, pheromones and gene therapy. Yet, the ever-increasing need to fulfill the need for entertainment has driven human beings to create new worlds in which people transform at will into new creatures, strange, fantastic, but altogether human in essence. These new worlds immerse users in worlds of years past, years in the future and fantasy worlds from the depths of human imagination.

According to Edward Castranova, an economist and professor of telecommunications at Indiana State University, MMORPGs:
Are sites on the Internet where computer users come together to exchange information, do business, seek amusing adventures, build cities, hunt monsters, or even make war and kill one another – all dressed up in the ‘costume’ of an imaginary character they have created for themselves (Jennings 60).

While thousands of players interact on a daily basis, many lose track of their lives offline. In the most addicting of these, MMORPGs, massively multiplayer online role-playing games, players often spend days on end pursuing the objectives assigned them in-game, often leading to social and psychological issues. While many people do not consider excessive gaming a serious problem, despite initially being a means to entertain, it is now an acceptable way of life, supported by businesses, social ranking and cultural popularity that de-emphasize the ever-present issue of addiction. While there are many factors to consider, to truly comprehend the system, careful attention to each side will yield the answers needed.
-----------

II. Literature Review of the Online Gaming

MMORPGs provide a world in which the player can often do anything they please within the rules of the game, which are realistically very free and can be open to interpretation. This concept of being able to do anything draws in players who may feel their own lives do not provide an adequate sense of control or fulfillment (Yee 2002). While MMORPGs have evolved past being simple web sites online, this description is true to the basic functions and nature of a MMORPG. Interviewing lead game designer Jeff Kaplan, Seth Schiesel of the New York Times relates the success of Blizzard’s World of WarCraft (also known as WoW) MMORPG:
World of Warcraft… has shattered the expectations of just about everyone in the game industry because it also appeals to a broader, more casual audience. And one of the biggest reasons for that appeal is that much of the time, World of Warcraft is a relatively easy game. That ease of play has made the game fantastically successful (Schiesel 2006).

When you couple the ease of initial play and the ability to keep a user entangled in the game’s system with, MMORPGs readily become drugs for the masses. In most MMORPGs, players increase their skills and strengths after a certain amount of experience points, are earned through killing monsters, completing quests of various tasks assigned by specific non-player characters, or attacking other players from opposing factions to gain reputation points within a player’s own circle of association. This pseudo-realism mirrors many facets of real life, where people are expected to fulfill a role within society, except that, in the game world, these tasks seem more appealing as the user chooses what he or she will do, where, how and with whom. The addiction comes as users continue to rely on the game itself for social interaction and fulfillment of needs, known or unconscious.

Nicholas Yee, creator and compiler for the Daedalus Project, an online database that charts online gaming statistics specifically dealing with addiction, defines addiction as “a recurring behavior that is unhealthy or self-destructive which the individual has difficulty ending” (Yee 2002). Results from polls and surveys offered to gamers show that, out of a sample of 2,760 males and 406 females, 66.2% of males and 57% of females between the ages of 18 and 22 have played an MMORPG for more than 10 hours at one time. While this may seem significant, what many intellectuals fail to understand is that many parts of the game require a real-time investment, an aspect of the game companies strive to develop. In the same age range, 50.7% of males and 44.7% of females say they lost sleep due to gaming. However, in the same test group, 62.2% of males and 48% of females consider themselves addicted. In a related study Yee conducted, a survey of 3,989 players revealed that 29% agree, 21% remain neutral and around 50% disagree with this statement: “I continue to play EQ [EverQuest] even when I am upset or frustrated with EQ and not really enjoying it.” Yee concludes that:

Critics may argue that similar responses could also have been solicited from individuals who partake in many healthy hobbies: such as dancing, tennis or skiing. Someone who loves to play tennis or ski might be irritable and frustrated if they weren't able to because of weather conditions... It is only when an individual partakes in an activity in the face of negative or self-destructive behavior that the use of the word addiction is appropriate, and these behaviors are seen in MMORPG players (Yee 2002).

In a study conducted about the Lineage series of MMORPGs by L. Whang and G. Chang, PhD’s in the Department of Psychology at Yonsei University in Seoul, on the online game Lineage, three main types of players emerged after survey results were tallied regarding how players used the MMORPG world: Single-oriented, community-oriented players and off-real world players (Whang and Chang 595). Off-real world players were those who showed strong inclinations for anti-social behavior and game-focused values and materialism. While many gamers respect their peers and comrades, these players would often disrespect the game's social rules and cause harm to other players, using whatever means available to achieve personal success in the world. They emphasized that creating a new identity in the game world and grouping with others of similar mindset specifically for those purposes. Respectively, each group made up 28.2%, 44.8% and 26.9% of the 4,786 players surveyed (596). Among the aforementioned groups, the last is the most likely to suffer from addiction created by a need to control and belong, both of which can be fulfilled in the game world by spending time playing and learning his or her role. In fulfilling this, the user begins to associate their positive experiences with what are essentially destructive, discriminative behaviors in the game, which make playing with people outside his or her group awkward and boring. These games are made to keep players interested. In many ways, human nature is exploited.

“In online games, continuous scoring, promotion, immediate feedback, and achievement of self-satisfaction have become the channels for upgrading individual self-esteem of the Internet generation…However, excessive [participation] in this optimal experience might result in negative outcome” (Wan and Chiou 318).

This negative outcome is what can be considered the addiction to online gaming. An expert in the field of addiction, Dr. Maressa Orzack, a psychologist at McLean Hospital, near Boston, believes that “game addiction is a true mental disorder,” and as much as “40 percent of World of Warcraft players are addicted to the game.” Current estimates of total players in this game are in the millions around the world. In an interview with a self-proclaimed addict, he believed that he was “in the game completely,” and in it he found a sense of the belonging. “ This individual came from a family that was unfortunately breaking up, and World of Warcraft was his way to escape that” (Wright 2006).

Darren Waters, a technology writer for BBC News online reports that, “[u]nfortunately, gaming and addiction is a far too easy association to make… stories about gamers spending 10 to 15 hours a day in front of some video games are becoming more frequent.” The basic aspect of most online role-playing games is colloquially known as “grinding,” a process by which gamers perform mindless tasks, such as killing a certain type of enemy or harvesting a certain type of item to gain levels and, thereby, access more areas of the game (Walters 2006). While game developers may deny this, a simple understanding of the game’s nature reveals that killing something or obtaining something will bring a return of experience. This can take as little as half an hour, or more than a week, depending on the circumstances of the player’s goal.

To many experts and concerned parties, online gaming of this scope has adverse effects on the human being, both in body and mind. “The Interactive Digital Software Association reports that there are about 145 million people, about 60% of all Americans, older than age 6 who play computer and video games. With the rapid growth of the online game market, online game addiction has also increased considerably… People may spend an entire day playing online games even though they might feel exhausted. Players will spend their money on related products and game software” (Rau et al. 396).
-----------

III. Positive and Negative Opinions on Online Gaming

Overwhelming professional and intellectual reports cry out against these games. In Asian countries like South Korea and China, online gaming has become a national obsession that seems to pull people, young and old, away from their everyday lives into the game. In 2005, “Chinese players paid out $500m (£280m) in subscriptions for this part-time escapism” (Taylor 2006). In the same countries, major cities like Beijing and Seoul have their own clinics where gamers fighting the addiction can go to “sober up” and spend time in the real world, dealing with the symptoms of their withdrawal. Government and social regulations to these games seem to help in stemming overuse, as can be seen in the Chinese system where gamers are allowed to play for a set amount of time before the game automatically puts their characters under handicap (Taylor 2006).

However, there is more to the issue than simply taking every case of addiction and applying it across the board. While there is a certain ratio that can be associated with players becoming clinically addicted to online gaming, the vast majority of gamers are not obsessed over the game. According to Waters, “such obsession is rare. But the huge growth in online gaming means a growth in the numbers of people who take their passion for a hobby too far. Almost 400,000 people bought a copy of World of Warcraft in the first two days on sale earlier this month [February]. Only a fraction will descend into obsessives” (2005). In another article, Mark Ward, a technology correspondent with BBC News, describes one thing the MMORPG environment has that many other games do not, a virtual economy. Cash in WoW comes in nearly metric denominations: 100 copper equals 1 silver; 100 silver equals 1 gold. Monies function just as they do in the real world, and people are apt to find strategies that turn a profit:

One player who has turned playing the auction house into almost an art is Alex Tabony. He uses a Warcraft add-on program called Auctioneer to fine tune his exploitation of the auction house [a simulated auction house in World of Warcraft that functions like any real-life version]…"My method is to artificially manipulate the high selling point of any item," he told the BBC News website. "If you can control the market price of a specific item type for a while you can 'set' the high selling point for other user's Auctioneer data…The limit is realistically how much time one wants to invest into it," he said (Ward 2006).

Obviously, this is not a casual player who has just begun adventuring in the lands of WoW, but this is evidence of a breed of smarter, more thoughtful gamers who look at the game environment as a deeper challenge, a breed who are not addicted to the game, do exist. A month earlier, Ward began his own account on WoW and conducted an online interview while touring one of the many starting areas in the game. He found himself staring at a fantastic world where dwarves and humans fly across the landscape, and seascapes of some areas and players offer helpful advice, constantly looking for new acquaintances with whom to network and enjoy the game environment. “[T]here was the constant scrolling chatter of all these people talking to each other or looking for help or buyers and sellers for their goods…It is the chatting, social side of it that is encouraged” (Ward 2006).
-----------

IV. Conclusion and Personal Opinion

As human beings continue to create and refine technologies that help to increase awareness of the world and the human condition within it, more and more cases like online gaming addiction will occur in related fields of entertainment. Just as the parents of the 1950’s would exclaim that television could rot a person’s brain, the same could be said by peers of players in this era. Unless there is a worldwide agreement to limit the spread of online gaming, there is little doubt that the gaming industry will wane in popularity or influence. Gamers will continue to use online gaming as their means of entertainment and fulfillment, and those who only look from the outside will always exclaim it as a waste of time better spent in the real world. The economic impact of these events is helping to bolster the computer gaming industry as a major power in the economics of electronics and will no doubt keep it alive for many years to come. In the future, advanced technology may allow users to interact in a fully three-dimensional world, in which case the argument to curb game time will gain new momentum. Until that time, computers will continue to drive the market for these games. Conclusively, online gaming addiction exists. Studies show that there are significant numbers of the gaming population who admit they are addicted and do not know how to escape.

However, in the course of researching these addictions to electronically-generated stimulus of the mind, it would seem that, with the advent of devices that make life “easier” to weather, human beings have become more dependent on these aspects of modern life. Computers, robotics and electronic devices are now some of the most important cultural aspects of the civilized world. Gaming is attractive, much a matter of finding new and exciting challenges to undertake and beat, most satisfactorily when the challenges are beat within inches of being killed by some antagonistic force. Both sides of the argument, those who advocate restricting these games and the influence they have and those who advocate experiencing the intense visuals and enthralling entertainment they provide, have valid points.

In my own experiences with electronic gaming, I have known, and still do know, friends and acquaintances that spend copious amounts of time in-game, searching for items, monsters to battle and the fulfillment of needs they feel are not met, or cannot be met without great difficulty, in the real world. At times, the allure of fighting off a horde of enemies with a group of friends gives a sense of both pride and belonging. But there is no replacement for the sense of friendship and community that is found in the real world. The one defining difference that sets people who are able to live outside their game from those that cannot deal with reality is, in my mind, is their ability to find fulfillment in their reality. This is obviously an issue buried deep within the consciousness of modern society, the idea that there are indeed people who seem clinically unable to find fulfillment outside a synthetic existence.
-----------

V. Reference Section

Jennings, Lane. "Worlds to Conquer Online: Multiplayer Gaming Comes of Age." Futurist July-Aug. 2006: 60-61. EBSCOhost. 25 Nov. 2006. Keyword: Online Gaming.

Orzack, Maressa. Interview with Rob Wright. TwitchGuru. 8 Aug. 2006. 22 Nov. 2006 .

Rau, Pei-Leun Patrick et al. “Time Distortion for Expert and Novice Online Game Players”. CyberPsychology & Behavior, 9.4 (2006): 396-403.

Schiesel, Seth. "Kill the Big, Bad Dragon (Teamwork Required)." The New York Times 28 Jan. 2006. 22 Nov. 2006 .

Taylor, Richard. "BBC NEWS | Programmes | Click | China wrestles with online gamers." BBC News. 9 Apr. 2006. 23 Nov. 2006 .

Wan, Chin-Sheng and Wen-Bin Chiou. “Psychological Motives and Online Games Addiction: A Test of Flow Theory and Humanistic Needs Theory for Taiwanese Adolescents”. CyberPsychology & Behavior, 9.3 (2006): 317-324.

Ward, Mark. "BBC NEWS | Technology | Fantasy fuels games with finances." BBC News. 30 Dec. 2005. 23 Nov. 2006 .

Ward, Mark. "BBC NEWS | Technology | walk in the World of Warcraft." BBC News. 30 Sept. 2005. 23 Nov. 2006 .

Waters, Darren. "BBC NEWS | Technology | Losing Yourself in Online Gaming." BBC News. 17 Feb. 2005. 22 Nov. 2006 .

Whang, Leo Sang-Min and Geunyoung Chang. “Lifestyles of Virtual World Residents: Living in the On-Line Game ‘Lineage’”. CyberPsychology & Behavior, 7.5 (2004): 592-600.

Williams, Dmitri, and Marko Skoric. "Internet Fantasy Violence: a Test of Aggression in an Online Game." Communication Monographs 72.2 (2005): 217-233.

Yee, Nicholas, comp. The Daedalus Project. Oct. 2002. 20 Nov. 2006 .

Yee, Nicholas, comp. The Daedalus Project. Oct. 2002. 20 Nov. 2006 .

AN HERO IS BORN

2007-04-02T10:14:00.000-10:00

[22:12] bogglejobber: eh. i'll deal.
[22:12] bogglejobber: gives me more time to think about school and the storyline.
[22:13] LOLasaurusRex: cool
[22:13] bogglejobber: O RLY DANIEL UR THINKIN BOUT TEH STOREE?
[22:13] bogglejobber: YA RLY!
[22:13] bogglejobber: NO WAI!
[22:13] bogglejobber: WAI!
[22:13] bogglejobber: I LOL'D
[22:13] LOLasaurusRex: LOL
[22:13] LOLasaurusRex: OMG
[22:13] bogglejobber: [bows]
[22:13] bogglejobber: i'll be here all summer
[22:13] bogglejobber: thanks for coming
[22:13] bogglejobber: don't forget to tip your waitresses

Randomnity.

2007-03-19T00:30:00.000-10:00

First of all, I want to recommend to anyone who likes listening to smooth grooves and infectious beats get their hands on a copy of Thievery Corporation's "Mirror Conspiracy" and "The Richest Man in Babylon". I ka puni o nā mea nahenahe āpau, lohe 'oe.

Additionally, as of 10.50am or so this morning, World of WarCraft is no long on my laptop [cry]. I figure I can just reinstall that bugger when I have time to play, for example, during summer, between training and work. See, I'm just really picky when it comes to watching how much space I use on my computer, or any computer, for that matter. I'm like Meiji-era Japan in such that I have my own "line of security (or sovereignty)" that holds at my borders, but I also have a "line of interest," a buffer zone past my own that keeps the barbarian hordes out. Well, you get it.

On a lighter note, I tried to get people to write me a eulogy. Few people actually participated :P It figures, though. As much as I don't like to read other people's trash bulletins on MySpace, I doubt the majority of the people on my friends' list would be so inclined, either. However, I'm a little more saddened by the Facebook crowd, few of whom even bothered reading it.
------
I started this before Friday last week, so I was thinking about interesting things. The HPU Freak Show was really a blast since I got to eat, drink and laugh out loud with close friends. Sadly, I didn't stick around for the whole show, but I got to watch all the people I knew :D Scott gave a monumental performance with Jake Shimabukuro's rendition of "While My Guitar Gently Weeps," Kristina did a smooth little interpretive dance, Shay and the Big Show guys were off the hook in their big band dealio, and the Hamo Boys, Finesi and Rapture, did USO proud. First prize went to the HPU dorm resident advisors for their song and dance modeled after OK Go's "A Million Ways To Be Cruel" (deservedly they won).

The weekend was more relaxation than anything else. I got a whole lot of math done Sunday night, along with some reading and quiet time for meself. So, here I am, attempting to finish some work projects but distracted by the many things racing through me head. I can do a good lot of studying and finishing of things tonight after I get back to the house, but until then, I can give myself a short mental break.

Additionally, I need to get back on this all-banana diet. It makes me happier during the day, that's for sure.

An odd conversation.

2007-03-13T19:25:00.000-10:00

[19:23] lollernaut: the only thing she needs to do is work out and get sun
[19:23] lollernaut: and then anyone would hire her
[19:23] lollernaut: hell, i'd hire her
[19:23] lollernaut: to do what, idk
[19:23] lollersubmariner: yeah
[19:23] lollernaut: lol
[19:23] lollersubmariner: to do me, perhaps
[19:23] lollernaut: LMAO
[19:23] lollernaut: whoa whoa whoa
[19:23] lollernaut: XXXXXXXXXXX
[19:23] lollernaut: did i just hear you say-
[19:24] lollersubmariner: it was a joke
[19:24] lollersubmariner: i do not want in XXXXXXXX's pants
[19:24] lollersubmariner: you know me
[19:24] lollersubmariner: she doesn't squint nearly enough
[19:24] lollernaut: lol

He inoa no nā mokupuni

2007-03-05T10:25:00.000-10:00

First Lady Reveals Hawaiian Name For National Monument

Northwestern Islands Named Papahanaumokuakea Marine National Monument

HONOLULU -- First lady Laura Bush on Friday announced the new Hawaiian name for the Northwestern Hawaiian Islands Marine National Monument at a ceremony at Washington Place.

The Northwestern Hawaiian Islands begins just north of Kauai and stretches to Kure Atoll at the far end of the island chain.

The new Hawaiian name of the Northwestern Hawaiian Islands Marine National Monument had been the focus of many meetings with Hawaiian elders and fulfills a commitment by President George W. Bush in June when he designated the islands as monument. That made it the single largest conservation area in U.S. history and the largest protected marine area in the world.

So with all ears listening Bush said the name with a slight Texan twang.

"I'm delighted to announce that the Northwestern Hawaiian Islands will be named the Papahanaumokuakea Marine National Monument," Bush said.

With 17 letters, Papahanaumokuakea symbolizes the genealogy of the Hawaiian Islands. Kumu Hula Pua Kanahele helped come up with the name.

"It is that that is responsible for all the births of all living things," Kanahele said.Mrs. Bush had just visited Midway Atoll in the monument, where she looked at native birds and planted native grass. She also learned how ocean debris is threatening the native wildlife.

Now, the federal government is working toward more debris removal, opening Midway to eco-tourism this summer, and getting the monument designated as an international World Heritage site to further its protection.

Copyright 2007 by TheHawaiiChannel.com All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed.

w00t.

2007-03-03T22:49:00.001-10:00

Wow. For once, South Park has helped me make another life-changing decision. "Looking for a Japanese-Japanese Girlfriend": 1, "Not Looking for a Japanese-Japanese Girlfriend": 0.

Yay for Saki Miata ^_^

Old poems.

2007-02-27T16:44:00.000-10:00

Diamond Road
How I yearn to see the Diamond Road once more,
To speed down that margin upon fragments of the sun,
To peer out into the meager space betwixt my portal and another's,
To see the high towers flicker in the sun as they have always done,
To drift to the right, to lean towards the left,
To watch steel beasts jockey into position,
Oh, to return to the Diamond Road once more...

Sun
Sun, great Sun, what canst thou tell me of thine glow?
How dost thou conclude that the Darkness is rude?
Why hath thy golden arrows pierced Midnight so quickly?
Doth its sheer, bleak Contrast disturb thee?
What say ye, olde and warming friend?

Real
What's real isn't always what is "real"
Sometimes, what's "real" is the opposite of reality
There is one constant of which we should all be aware:
Keep happy thoughts and happy thoughts will keep you.

Rain
Embraced by the tears of an angry sky,
I can only look up and wonder "Why?"
But the cold embrace is still just that. . .
An embrace.

Nowhere and Everywhere
Sometimes...
It feels like you're nowhere
It feels like you're everywhere
It feels as though you're somewhere,
waiting for something or someone.

Sometimes you're just asleep on the couch.

'O ka 'ōlelo no'eau no kēia lā: "Hili hewa ka mana'o ke 'ole ke kūkākūkā - Ideas run wild without discussion" (Discussion brings ideas together into a plan).

Friday.

2007-02-26T10:23:00.000-10:00

Last week Friday was excellent! Finally, a weekend spent out of the house (or not). Lost my phone on the HPU shuttle (purportedly, it's been taken to the lost and found on one of the campuses), left my power cords for my laptop at Mark's house (thanks for the pizza, Marksan) and managed to finish Nahi'ena'ena: Sacred Daughter of Hawai'i before they played Van Helsing for the third time on TBS last night.

Overall, a good weekend. Much enjoyment was to be had in attempting to do character creation with my new DnD party members. So far, the roster is as follows:

Daniel: Human Cleric
Bronson: Human Fighter
Stephen: Elven Wizard
Mark: Gnomish Rogue
Derick: Aethereal Pansy? (Lol)

Mark had some insane rolls and ended up with great stats, excepting, of course, that he is a gnome AND a warrior. Basically, he can evade like no one's business, but once he's hit, he's down for the count. That's where I come in as the party healer and all-around support man. I haven't worked out all my spells for level 1 quite yet, but they should be good. Bronson hasn't even gotten to his equipment yet, haha! Stephen has most of his information written down for reference and even got his equipment set up. I'm not sure if Derick is really going to contribute, but hey, the more the merrier.

That's all for now. Wish me luck in finding me phone today.

Today's moment of stupidity: (in the Hawaii yellow pages listings under "Reading Improvement Instruction") "4 R Future Tutorial Service LLC."

And I didn't even get to loot.

2007-02-22T19:16:00.000-10:00

[19:04] BoGgLe JoBbEr: since i know you'd just love to be in on it
[19:04] BoGgLe JoBbEr: me, mark, bronson and, i think, stephen, are trying to start up a DnD game :D
[19:05] spunkobob: oh lord
[19:05] spunkobob: I call gnome monk
[19:05] BoGgLe JoBbEr: sure
[19:05] BoGgLe JoBbEr: see
[19:05] spunkobob: ... just getting it out there
[19:05] BoGgLe JoBbEr: 'cuz this is the original problem.
[19:05] BoGgLe JoBbEr: bronson wants to be human
[19:05] BoGgLe JoBbEr: i'm a human cleric
[19:05] BoGgLe JoBbEr: and mark is going to be a human something
[19:06] BoGgLe JoBbEr: and the last room we were in had a door etched in blood, written in elvish
[19:06] BoGgLe JoBbEr: err
[19:06] spunkobob: wtf
[19:06] BoGgLe JoBbEr: elvish script written in blood was on the door
[19:06] BoGgLe JoBbEr: yeah
[19:06] spunkobob: where are you getting this crap
[19:06] BoGgLe JoBbEr: and since no one could read elvish, we kinda spent two hours
[19:06] spunkobob: lol
[19:06] BoGgLe JoBbEr: trying to find the door
[19:06] BoGgLe JoBbEr: bronson "knew" there was a door
[19:06] spunkobob: seriously?
[19:06] BoGgLe JoBbEr: but we couldn't find the opening
[19:07] BoGgLe JoBbEr: no, not seriously, but this is what conspired over the course of the story
[19:07] BoGgLe JoBbEr: so, we were all fumbling around the room, looking for stuff
[19:07] spunkobob: oh
[19:07] BoGgLe JoBbEr: door opens
[19:07] spunkobob: well yeah
[19:07] BoGgLe JoBbEr: "OMFG WTF MAYTE"
[19:07] spunkobob: I never EVER play as a human
[19:07] BoGgLe JoBbEr: nomadic elf pops out
[19:07] spunkobob: either gnome or half elf
[19:07] BoGgLe JoBbEr: of course, what happens
[19:07] BoGgLe JoBbEr: it attacks me after attacking mark
[19:07] BoGgLe JoBbEr: only after i attempt to charm it
[19:08] BoGgLe JoBbEr: because my charisma is just ungodly
[19:08] BoGgLe JoBbEr: failed attempt
[19:08] BoGgLe JoBbEr: i do a saving roll that also fails
[19:08] spunkobob: and a failed charm causes massive agro
[19:08] BoGgLe JoBbEr: and i lose my two-handed broadsword to the elf
[19:08] BoGgLe JoBbEr: so, the elf now has surprise on its side in attacking bronson
[19:08] BoGgLe JoBbEr: but, as we noted, the elf already had a dagger
[19:09] BoGgLe JoBbEr: so, not only do i have to fight hand-to-hand with an elf
[19:09] BoGgLe JoBbEr: but the elf is trying to dual wield a dagger and a two-handed broadsword
[19:09] BoGgLe JoBbEr: which looked hilarious
[19:09] BoGgLe JoBbEr: 'cuz on the one hand, it can go stabbitystabstab
[19:09] BoGgLe JoBbEr: but his movement and range are restricted because he's dragging a huge broadsword around
[19:09] BoGgLe JoBbEr: it's like
[19:10] BoGgLe JoBbEr: "Miss Miss Miss Miss Miss Miss Miss Miss Miss Miss Miss Miss"
[19:10] BoGgLe JoBbEr: hit for 1 damage
[19:10] BoGgLe JoBbEr: Miss Miss Miss Miss Miss Miss Miss Miss Miss Miss
[19:13] spunkobob: wow
[19:14] spunkobob: you went a little too in depth right there
[19:14] BoGgLe JoBbEr: just illustrating fer ya.

He Mele Hou na Kalani

2007-02-16T20:46:00.000-10:00

Aniani ka makani i ke kuahiwi
Moani ke 'ala o te tuahiwi

Onaona no ka maile i ka pali loa
Aia i ka pali nā pua nani

Nahenahe no ka mele a nā manu nei
Aia i ka mele ku'u aloha

Ua ho'ohelele'i mai ke kilihune
Ka lelehune 'o Wa'ahila

Ha'ina 'ia mai ana ka puana
O ka maile, o ka pali, o Wa'ahila

__________________________

Softly blowing is the wind at the mountain
Wafting, the fragrance of the mountain

Fragrant is the maile on the high cliff
There on the cliff, the beautiful flowers

Sweet is the song of the birds of old
In the song, my dear love

The light rain has fallen here
The fine, windblown rain called Wa'ahila

Tell the refrain again
Of the maile, of the cliffside, of Wa'ahila

Recap of the last few days.

2007-02-14T19:26:00.000-10:00

So, the trip to Kaniakapūpū was a spiritual experience that I'll never forget, that's for sure.

Today was great. Single life: 1 / Non-single life: 3679281923489728421.

Quotes for the day: "Nothing says 'Romance' like microbiology!" - Clifton.

[19:28] BoGgLe JoBbEr: but did bronson tell you his master plan for skipping class and getting away with it?
[19:28] spunkobob: yep
[19:28] BoGgLe JoBbEr: and were you there for the roast of me?
[19:28] spunkobob: breaking up with his 3 year gf and trying to salvage it
[19:28] spunkobob: no lol
[19:28] BoGgLe JoBbEr: yeah
[19:28] spunkobob: oh wait
[19:28] spunkobob: yes
[19:29] BoGgLe JoBbEr: okay
[19:29] BoGgLe JoBbEr: lol
[19:29] BoGgLe JoBbEr: 'cuz i had to retell magic mark
[19:29] BoGgLe JoBbEr: for his benefit
[19:29] spunkobob: the "you had a girlfriend?" from Stephen
[19:29] BoGgLe JoBbEr: damn you were there
[19:29] BoGgLe JoBbEr: i remember now
[19:29] BoGgLe JoBbEr: snickering
[19:29] spunkobob: yep lol
[19:29] BoGgLe JoBbEr: at my misery :D
[19:29] BoGgLe JoBbEr: XD
[19:29] BoGgLe JoBbEr: it was a fair pwn
[19:30] BoGgLe JoBbEr: no constitution roll could have been high enough to save me
[19:30] spunkobob: lol

"Status report, number one."

2007-02-07T22:44:00.000-10:00

Eh, not a whole lot going on today. Still figuring out what my weekend's going to be like, weekend being Friday and Saturday. I need to start researching my papers early, seriously. No last-minute procrastination possible this time around.

Big fun will be Sunday when I visit Kaniakapūpū with my Impact of Tourism on Local Culture class. I think we take part in a clean-up effort, but I do know we'll be making 'ohe (bamboo pipes that produce sounds reminiscent of the pū kani [conch shell] and were used to communicate from the highlands to the lowlands).

Uh... let's see. Clifton, if you're reading this, you have permission to slap me intellectually, as I probably will not update this on a daily basis, but surely weekly.

Yeap. Song of the day: "I Will" by the Beatles.

Today is another day for firsts.

2007-02-06T20:12:00.000-10:00

Yeap, I finally got caught by the man. Cops were out on the prowl, and I got caught in the crosswalk, figuratively and literally. I have been officially fined by the City and County of Hawai'i $70.00 to be paid within 21 days of issuance for the infraction of crossing the street unlawfully (basically, I picked the wrong day to go and buy stuff at Longs, and I'll be kicking myself for it until I feel the need to stop).

Sucks to be me. Half my paycheck is gone and out the window now, but I shouldn't complain, seeing as how I managed to find and buy the folders I wanted to get for classes. Yellow for math, green for Impact of Tourism, dark blue for History of Hawai'i, red for First Contact and Colonialism, and light blue for History of Modern Japan. I was getting tired of carrying a bunch of loose notes in my planner/composition book. I also managed to pick up another bag of those neat little hair-band-things for the mane growing on my po'o.

After I got home and surprised my parents with my sudden drop in funds, I got some time in on the steel string and started something with A#m7 and some other chord that I don't have a name for as of yet. It sounds good, but I have to work out the rest of it. Classical Gas has presented itself yet again as an annoying, but challenging practice for my picking skills (or lack thereof after playing 'ukulele for so long).

Current music of the day is split between Gabby Pahinui's version of "Aloha Ka Manini" and Nine Inch Nail's "Just Like You Imagined," recognizable as the song in the 300 trailer.

I think that's all for now. I'm hoping to finish my assignment for HoH (due Friday) tonight so I have nothing to worry about Thursday. Shoots.

Oh, My Island Women

2007-01-31T11:12:00.000-10:00

So, I'm pretty well stuck on Three Plus' song "Island Woman." I can't believe I haven't let the song play all the way through until these last few days. I guess I just dismissed it, as I have with a LOT of the music sitting on my iPod these days. I haven't updated it for quite some time.

I really should, though. I have a fair amount of stuff worthy of putting on the iPod, which may or may not be treatable thanks to Mom's new job with Apple. If you haven't heard about my problem with the iPod, the short story is that I dropped it and suddenly the input to the right side of the headphones no longer works without some strenuous fiddling around (pushing the jack of the headphones in a certain direction). It's ghetto, but I've survived with worse when it comes to personal audio.

Other than that, things are normal. Today marks the second year since my Grandma Betty passed away. I hadn't even been thinking about it till Mom mentioned it on the ride to work. That day was a day marked by sadness. Coming home that day was more difficult for her than us. I remember seeing her so helpless, so sad. The one thing I remember her saying, in a whisper, was "I don't have a mommy anymore."

Sad days.

BETTER DAYS! Maybe Valentines' Day will see me getting some use out of my efforts.

Augen auf, Ich komme.

2006-07-14T13:53:00.000-10:00

It really sucks when a good day goes wrong. I mean, really, everything could be fine, just relaxed and all. Suddenly, something invariably destroys the peace and the mindset.

Why? I will expound that following, but first, some observations.

Observation 1:
I should know better than to tempt Fate as I do every day of my life. I doubt that I will ever stop playing the game with Destiny anytime soon, perhaps when I have learned a final lesson from Death I'll look back and say, "Well, fine mess you made. Time to be rectified." On a daily basis, I look him in the face and laugh. I giggle at the insanity of the world; I scoff at the wars and battles of mankind; and I most definitely will not pay heed to the machinations of the greater United States of America. What concerns me, on the contrary, is the idea that it is all part of a plan. I understand and accept that, no matter what I think I can do, whatever I think I have a choice of doing is really something that was meant to happen despite the case. I do not have control over the universe; instead, I choose to accept the control the universe has over me. In my day-to-day living, I know there are "choices" that I do make, choices that ultimately do make a difference in how I live, but such choices are already decided. If something is, it is because it was meant to be. Destiny must be laughing at me from across the way. So, realistically, this blog was meant to be.

Observation 2:
In the confines of my ego, there is a certain sense of Pride, of doing things in a way that I find make me somehow "better" or beyond another. In that same ego is the seed of Zweiful (Doubt), out of which rises the ghost of Ausfall (Failure). Now, Doubt plays his role exceedingly well. He is much the sniper in the trees, one who chooses when and how to grip the hearts of men in a black fist of what the Germans call "angst." Angst, on the other hand, takes Zweifel's place when the prior begins to cross the line of extremity. Angst is as much a shadow as she is a sensation that can be felt. The sweat beads on your brow, the moisture in your throat hides away, the eyes fear Angst and retreat as you squint to see, physically or mentally, what it is that comes after you. The blood speeds in your veins, your hands, now fists, shake at a noiseless terror. Your chest rises and falls with the filling of your lungs, pulling in the air slowly, less with each breath. Your body stiffens as you turn to face it, and that is the end. Such is the part played by Angst in our dealings. Now, Ausfall is invited to torment you by Angst, they are cousins, after all. Ausfall does less damage physically than Angst, much less so considering how very sensitive you are. However, Angst fades in time. Ausfall remains, ever haunting the mind. Ich lebe mit Ausfall und Angst und Macht und Zweiful jetzt.

Observation 3:
There is little to be done about the feelings one holds him or herself to, especially if there is no vocal or spiritual outlet by which they feel they can release themselves of, or enhance thereby, such feelings. Given, there is not always a time, nor a place, for the human to even think about the release, in which case that individual may lose control. Some cases call for the individual to bury their feelings deep within the psyche, hiding, on the surface, at least, the condition in which they reside from some of the world. This is an effective technique in isolating the self from the rest of the universe, but often results in damage to the self both physically and emotionally, seen often in cases of depression or self-loathing.

I knew today was going too well. There was too much + and not enough -. Now, there's a surplus in the latter, and I may as well be on my way to Holle.

Der Himmel war leer
Der Mensch wollte mehr
Das Schicksal war klar.

Combo Goodness

2006-07-12T19:54:00.000-10:00

Oh, yes.
Current mood: content

To the girl I sat next to on the bus today.

Normally, I dont pay much attention to the majority of ladies that come onto the bus, especially not when Im coming home from a long day of work. You entered in something of a hurry, with a friend, if I assume correctly. You looked around for a seat, and I sat down before you. I wasnt expecting anything interesting.

I think I was wrong.

So, I sat down and thought nothing more of it. My seat was closer to the front of the bus, and you sat down in some seat behind me, Im not quite sure where. I took to resting my head in my hand, leaning towards the window. After that, I just went unconscious for a while, shifting the weight of my head with the bumps on the road. A few stops after I first got on, I awoke to the sight of more people, office managers, mothers, a few middle schoolers heading home. Then, as the rest of the Kahala-bound Alapai transfer riders got into the bus, you went to the front and inquired something of the driver. I knew him; he knew my face, surely my hair. You made your way back, but you decided to sit in the front, a few seats before my own. I had a good view.

The black top you wore embraced the soft, curved lines of your body, helping to frame your fair face amidst that garden of midnight atop your head. Your eyes reminded me of night when no one else is around and you wish there was someone nearby to hold and keep warm. The graceful way you moved would have been envied by all the forests ever to sway in gentle breeze. You were calm, collected, I would even venture elegant. But, you didnt look towards the rear, instead facing the right side of the bus. An older lady, most likely someones Chinese aunt, decided to sit in the empty seat next to mine, and I moved to give her more room. I glanced away to my window, hoping to find something else to tempt my imagination. Again, consciousness was drained from me like sand in the top-half of an hourglass.

Imagine my surprise the next time I opened my eyes.

Only ten minutes closer to my stop, I woke up to see the front of McKinley high school to my right. Some kids were getting on the bus, Asian guys, tall and lanky. I thought nothing of it, nothing seemed to differ from what I would normally see. The bus began to move away, heading further into the mundane side of Manoa, farther from the valley. I mean to crack my neck, but I took notice that you were missing. I had figured you to have departed the bus a stop or two back, took note and moved to crack my neck. Then, out of the corner of my eye, the light pastel green of your skirt caught me off guard. I turned a bit more, still more. Your long, dark eyelashes teased me into looking, as funny as it must have seemed with me twitching to see. A few more glances could only further cause me despair. Such a beauty, how could I finally have lucked out? How many months have I started using this bus without ever having seen a girl like her? Shes beautiful!

Heres my stop. Should I ask her to excuse me? Should I ask in French or Hawaiian? Should I say anything at all? What if she answers me in return? What am I supposed to tell her? Why cant I find my cell phone in these blasted pockets?

And that was that. I got out of my seat, rushed for the door and made my way across the street to the other side of Toys N Joys. It was over faster than I had thought, but Im still smarting from our chance meeting. Thank you for accompanying me in silence, my fair beauty. Maybe Ill see you again, maybe on the same bus, maybe in passing. Until then, fare you well, Madame Love.

----------------

"Just enough"

I seen you across the way, girl
There's just something about the way you looked at me
I don't really know what to say, girl
There's just something about the way you get to me

Our first talk was a little sketchy
And you didn't seem to care
After some time, I got to know you better
I saw your heart and the love that could be there

I can look, but I can't touch
And even then, the looking is too much
I can only dream of you and the love that could be
But for me, even a dream is just enough

I knew a lot of lines, I knew enough
But that didn't mean they were up to par
I thought you were much more special
Oh, how I hoped it would go far

I want to show you that I care, girl
To let you know that I'm for real
But I can only look and shake my head, girl
Because you're too good to be real

I can look, but I can't touch
And even then, the looking is too much
I can only dream of you and the love that could be
But for me, even a dream is just enough

Before we met, I thought that I'd known beauty
But you just served to prove me wrong
And after the short time I've come to know you
I came up with this song, just for you

Oh, I can look, but I can't touch
But even then, the looking is too much
I can barely stand to see you around town
And these feelings of mine only serve to keep me down

I can look, but I can't touch
And even then, the looking is too much
I can only dream of you and the love that could be
But for me, even a dream is just enough

Not feeling it once again.

2006-06-09T23:12:00.000-10:00

But I still feel obligated to drop an update of sorts. I'm at the party, but I'm not really in the party. I don't understand the whole of this feeling. I know it, sure, but I really don't understand it. If the thing is basically centered around having a deficit in attention paid towards ia'u, then I can figure that out. Still, the very fact that the same kind of thing happens every time I go to do something with a larger group of people doesn't comfort me.

It would happen at school dances. It would happen when I was out with more than twenty people. It's not so much a longing to be, but a longing to have a purpose, maybe? I don't really feel as though I'm serving any kind of purpose here as I am. I'm not doing what they're all doing. I'm not playing the games they're playing. Instead, I'm sitting here listening to my E Nomine, "Laetitia" this time, and just figuring out what's going on up in here than what's going on in the physical realm. I really don't maopopo it.

I might seem like I do. I might even fake myself into believing I understand what's going on in my head, but I really don't. I never truly do. Shoot, it's time for the depressing bit. I think maybe I just see other people interacting so freely with so little limitation or whatever, but I don't feel comfortable enough to go out and do the same. Maybe it's a complex that reminds me in such a way that I need to consciously separate myself from those surrounding. I would love to be having fun, seriously, but something is messing with my thinking processes.

Ah,Laetitia, why do I feel like I should be standing on my own? What is this feeling that I should be the different one? It would be selfish to say I must be he within the greater whole who should suffer something, and yet I am forced to think no other way. I can give no other explanation for it. Is it so true that I am left to be so different? Could it be that I'm just tired, or that the comfort of people has become rather uncomfortable? I don't have the ability to describe the level of research I would need to do in order to fully get this. I don't know if I want to get this. I could use some answers. It doesn't make sense!

This reminds me of things that make me uncomfortable. I don't know if it's a certain element of the atmosphere, or whether it's an element within me, but I know it bugs the hell out of me. How is it that I can't feel comfortable in my own skin? I'm not being insecure, but somehow I just feel like being alone.

Why?

Why this, and why with these people, and why this time?

I would like to know, because I can't figure it out on my own this time.

Feeling it once again.

2006-06-06T10:54:00.000-10:00

[blog]

First, songs of the day: "Sekai ni Hitotsu Dake no Hana" - SMAP.

"Schwarze Sonne"; "Das Omen"; "Das Rad Des Schicksals"; "Mysteria"; - E Nomine

Now, the blogging.

So, this is my first, and hopefully not last, blog for the summer of 2006. This year, I finished all of my freshman courses at Hawai'i Pacific University, all without having to pay for tuition! [yay]. I met a good group of people who are sure to provide me with love and support in the years to come [yay2]. I've been able to keep in touch with some old friends, some who have returned and some who will not [yay/aww], but things are still "looking up," for lack of a more worthy phrase.

In other news, I'm consciously trying to remember what little Deutsche is left in my memory, be it from rocking to Rammstein or the fantastic machinations of my unconscious soul with E Nomine. Heck, I had trouble just trying to type in it, let alone communicate. Altogether, another point of interest and another challenge on the road to understanding linguistics.

Work has been good. I've been back for three weeks, and my co-workers weren't phased at all when I showed up at work the first day back, embarassed that I hadn't emailed or anything. I'm currently working on some top realty and mortgage firms' sites. The company reps are generous with their suggestions, though, nonsensical at times. My supervisors are doing an especially kind job of making sure I get my shizzle down [sigh-relief]. My boss walks around the office every once in a while and asks me what's going down. He's cool, just needs to work on his catch-phrases. Again, for lack of much updating, my life so far has revolved around working downtown. My projects, which I cannot discuss in public, will be going live very soon, not that you can "look out" for them. No, I'd have to kill you.

Seriously [serious].

Anyhow, next on the agenda. Family... Whoo, there's a whole bushel of whackedness. These last, what, four months have been trying on each member of the Keith Maile household. Dad and Mom have put up with a lot of stress concerning Kawika's upcoming college days, and I feel it in their hearts during the arguments. Sometimes, I wonder how Kawika can sit there and deal the verbals. I think some of him has rubbed off on me this last year. I know my attitude has changed, not in a slight way, either. Still, I'm trying to keep my relations mit der Familie relatively calm. I haven't done a good job of it today, though.

Other things to be thinking about:
- Expenses for summer begin to pile up: Clothes for work/iPod repair/iPod casing/overdue cell phone bills [no Mama]/TheBus passes/Lunches/Miscellaneous things.

- Class schedule is pretty defined as of now, since I assume most people are completely done with registration (even if I want to change, I figure classes are all full).

- Need to get back into reading my good books. I've gone too long without reading a "good" book, even if I do go back and re-read my Humanities and Anthropology books. I would like to finish my Hawaiian book before summer is done, understanding as much as I can with whatever limited vocabulary I can muster, nan toka.

- Figuring out na wahine i kou ola. Zenzen wakanne yo, ore wa. He mau mea ho'opohihihi na wahine. E, maika'i no na'e, a c'est la vie.

I think at this time, I'll end it. My story isn't coming to me, and the creativity has met a stopping point somewhere between my right shoulder blae and the base of my neck. Hopefully, I'll get to it i keia kakahiaka a'e nei. We'll just have to wait and see, right?

[/blog]

QotD: Wow.

2006-05-29T00:29:00.000-10:00

[00:22] DexterBacon: you don't want to look at me unless you have a backup set of panties
[00:23] DexterBacon: you might wet yourself and orgasm

Eh.

2006-02-27T22:45:00.000-10:00

Eh, you tink you dakine, ah? Smaht, ah, you! You wen come heah an' wan fo' try dis one, good, good, dakine. Try fo' follo dees enstrukshuns, 'cuz. I tin' ken gettum.

(In the following blog, I will list some words and phrases commonly heard in Hawaiian Pidgin creole. I will attempt to label them accurately, as well as define them as best I can. If you want to comment, please do one of the following:

1) Comment on whatever you please, as long as it is in full Pidgin.
2) Add to the words already put down or dispute the definitions.
3) Add helpful information to those who probably won't get it.

That being said, let the fun begin!")
_________________________________________________________

"dakine" - Noun/Verb/Adjective/Adverb. [variations on spelling include "da kine," "d'kine," and "da kin'."] (General Descriptive): "Eh, you wen' dakine wit' dakine las' week wen was dakine, ah?"

"Didn't you go with Kimo to the beach when the waves were breaking high last week?"

"buggah" - Noun. [variations on spelling include "bugga," and less frequently, "bugger."] (Term of endearment/Generic noun based on context):

1) "Hu, dis buggah stay stink, ah!"

"Incredible: the stench of this rotting mango is turning my nose upside-down!"

2) "Check dis buggah. Stay make, dakine."

"Hey, look at this fellow. He seems dead, or unconscious."

"brah" - Noun. [variations on spelling include "bra," "bah," and, rarely, "ba."] (Term used as an additional interjectory phrase, endearment and generic form for "person." Can be used as a substitute for "dakine" in the case of a person.)

1) "Ho, brah!"

"Hey, my friend!"; "What the hell?!"; "Wow (incredible)!";

"like" - Verb/Verb stem. [variations often include "lyke" when typed, but rarely occur in conventional writing.] (Functions as a helping verb, as in English, but connotates varying degrees of emotion dependent on tone.)

1) "Ho, bah, like go beach o' what?"

"Hey, shall we go to the beach?"; "Well, are we going to the beach or not?";

"frick" - Adjective. Adverb. [variations on spelling include "frikkah," when applied to a person, "frikk," and "frik."] (Used as an intensifier particle, not always with negative/insulting intent towards the subject/object.)

1) "Eh, you frikkin' guy."

"Hey, you relatively unrespectable person."; "Hey, that was entertaining/admirable/laudable/enjoyable."; "That was a silly/stupid/inappropriate thing to do, you know."

2) "Ho, you frikkah!"

*See above definition.

Life, Death

2006-02-12T21:11:00.000-10:00

Taringa whakarongo! Kia rite, kia rite... A kia mau!

Ringaringa pakia,
Waewae takahia kia kino ne haki!

Ka mate, mate ka ora
Ka mate, mate ka ora

A tenei te tangata, puhuruhuru,
Nana nei tiki mai whaka whiti te ra
A hupane! Ka-upane!
A upane kaupane whiti te ra!
HI!

2006-02-09T00:36:00.000-10:00

There was going to be a point to this, but I lost it trying to remember to do something else.

Haha

2006-01-28T23:53:00.000-10:00

"You couldn't hit water if ya fell outta a boat! ... Right to th' behbe maker! WAHNKA!" - Matt Maile

"Sly-tekkle... Hahaha, wahnkar, I love it!" - Simon Miller

"Your sauce is ALWAYS weak!" - Daniel Maile

Quoth ofe De Daye

2006-01-22T21:36:00.000-10:00

"Telecommunication voyeurism may be a sign of serious mental problems. Consult your doctor if excitement from reading Adrian's messages last for more than four hours." - Daniel Lee

Hanashi da na.

2006-01-17T23:22:00.000-10:00

FFIIV:AC: Scene: Kadaj confronts Rufus. START - 18.14

K: Uso wa kirai da na.

R: Warukatta. Kondokoso shoujiki ni yo. Are wa omaetachi kara nigeru tojyu heri kara otoshita rashii. Manoneketa hanashi.

K: Honto ni?

R: Chikatte.

K: Jya, kore ni chikatte yo.

[throws Tseng and Elena's bloody ID cards]

R: Mokuteki wa nan da?

K: Okaasan no chikara ga hitsuyo nan da yo. Reunion ni wa doushitemo.

R: Reunion?

K: Okaasan no saibo moratta nakama na ikkashou ni atsumarunda; soshite, hoshi ni fukushuhusurun da yo! Jyunbi ya chakuchakuto susunderukedo, ho-ho na, hitarekasan ga Okaasan o kakushichatakera, sa.

R: Jyunbi da?

K: Seikon... Sachyou mo yoku shiteru yo, ne? Lifestream no naka de Okaasan no irenshinen ga ganbatte ro okage nan da. Sore nan no ii, bokutachi wa Okaasan no ibasho so de shiranai. Nasakenaikedo, shikatta ga nain de yo... Bokutachi wa shinentai dake da, sa. Okaasan o mitsukete saibo akete murama de motodori ni wa narenai. Shinen to seikon dake jya tarinain de, honto no Reunion ni wa, ne.

R: Nan no hanashi da?

K: Shachyo, kizuiterunda?

[Kadaj drops to one knee (Seikon graphic effect)]
{Total time = 2.19} END - 20.33

Quote of the Day!

2006-01-11T23:33:00.001-10:00

"I cannot believe how many times I've heard the Continentals talking out of their you-know-what. Just complete BS. Like, this one girl I remember saying, 'If slavery was so bad, why didn't the black people just go back to Africa?' Then she went on: 'It must have been worse off where they came from for them to immigrate here.' Immigrate! Oh, and the classic ending, 'At least in America, they got freedom.'" - HumbleNarcissist

Quote(s) of the Day

2006-01-10T22:59:00.000-10:00

"So, does anyone find it ironic that people in Turkey are dying of a sickness called 'bird flu'?" - reidpalmeira

"Adrian is probably making use of his Y-axis with pictures of Japanese models." - BoggleJobber

"I'd rotate YOU around my X-axis." - Kagato Iuchi

Ka Wala'au 'ana o Keia La

2005-12-30T22:37:00.000-10:00

"Hey Jannie... type 'anal' again." - DexterBacon

Quote of the Day...

2005-12-27T00:00:00.000-10:00

"This movie has everything needed for a classic... Nazis, ghosts, sword fights and Abraham Lincoln." - spunkobob

You know you're local when...

2005-12-21T00:36:00.000-10:00

You're watching a History Channel documentary on rum-making and mistake a glass of dark-brown liquid for shoyu.

Mana'o o ka La 'Ekahi o Kekemapa o ka makahiki 2005

2005-12-19T22:03:00.000-10:00

'A'ole au maopopo i ka nana 'ana i ka ki'i'oni'oni 'o Ka Liona A Me Ke Kupua A Me Ke Keʻena Waihona ʻAʻahu.

A dream deferred doesn't even cover how I feel right now. Although most people would argue that the imagery and aesthetics of this newer version far surpass those of the older. I disagree.

The times influence the entertainment and interpretations of the public. The public reciprocates by creating a need for specific amounts of information, entertainment and fulfillment in the media. But, when you take a classic and simply imitate, even line-for-line, an original that is so close to the heart, you do more than commit an injustice against the viewer; you serve to dishonor the original.

Today was confusing. Things started out just fine, but, it would seem that things fall apart. Things fall apart.

Quote of the Day.

2005-12-15T10:39:00.000-10:00

"I never get closure with Brazilians... Don't get involved if they're leaving in a week." - PeasNPie.

Hmm.

2005-12-11T03:12:00.000-10:00

Odd. Odd things happening in this life. Too odd to translate over to either Hawaiian or Japanese... or jibberlingo, for all that matters. I'm now addicted to "The Boondocks" on [adult swim], possibly the most controversial, yet satisfyingly real series they've played in a long time.

I've finally reached my goal. Whoop-dee-do. Makes me wonder: if I spent half a month playing a game in which I slay "monsters" and fight with other "thieves, hunters and traders," what am I truly qualified to do in real life?

I don't think anyone minds that I'm into the whole MMORPG thing, but I wonder how far I am from being like those select individuals who are completely immersed.

"It is now living. It has access to my information." - Dorothy, "Big O!"

I may just do this random thing for all of these when I have something important about which to write. If I am the soul, then you are the body. I infect your mind, and you can't stop thinking. You cannot resist all the things you feel. Let go of your anger, your pain and your hate, let go of the life that makes you irate. Come home to the heart, to the warmth and the love. Come back to my world again.

Ki'i

2005-12-06T14:32:00.000-10:00

Look at this photograph
Everytime I do, it makes me laugh
How did we survive those high school days,
And what's the deal with all this college craze?

And this is where I grew up,
I'm still there, but it needs fixing up
I never wanted, never had a need,
This room of mine has seen a young boy bleed

And this is where I went to school,
Most of the time, I was a good student, too
Graduated with every special friend,
Swore to each other all the good times would never end

I sometimes wonder if It's too late
Should I go back and then reciprocate?
Life seems much better now then back then,
If I was them, I wouldn't let me in

Every memory of looking out to Diamond Head,
I had the photo album spread out on my broken bed,
It's hard to say it, but it's time to say it:
Goodbye, goodbye

Every memory of walking out the front door,
I found the letter from the friend that I was looking for,
It's hard to say it, but it's time to say it:
Goodbye, goodbye

Remember the old hangouts?
No matter, we never got kicked out,
Sometimes, the people hated us hanging around,
Someday, someone will go back and burn it down

We used to listen to the iPod, too
And sing along with all the songs we knew,
We said someday we'd find out how it feels
To sing to a crowd that was actually real

Never really got that first kiss,
I was so busy, I guess I kind of missed,
But, it's okay, I've still got lots of time,
I'm still looking for a girl, and that's fine.

Every memory of looking out to Diamond Head,
I had the photo album spread out on my broken bed,
It's hard to say it, but it's time to say it:
Goodbye, goodbye

Every memory of walking out the front door,
I found the letter from the friend that I was looking for,
It's hard to say it, but it's time to say it:
Goodbye, goodbye

I miss that time,
I miss the faces,
You can't erase, no,
You can't replace it
I miss it now,
I can't believe it

So hard to stay,
Too hard to leave it

If I could I relive those days
I know there's nothing I would try to change

Every memory of looking out to Diamond Head,
I had the photo album spread out on my broken bed,
It's hard to say it, but it's time to say it:
Goodbye, goodbye

Every memory of walking out the front door,
I found the letter from the friend that I was looking for,
It's hard to say it, but it's time to say it:
Goodbye, goodbye

Look at this photograph,
Everytime I do it makes me laugh,
Everytime I do it makes me...

He ki'i mau 'o Kauake'oke'o o ka pahi uila.

2005-12-04T22:29:00.000-10:00

Inspired by events on 12/04/05.

Finals Schedule

2005-12-04T15:14:00.000-10:00

He ki'i keia.

2005-12-04T10:02:00.000-10:00

He huaka'i o Kauake'oke'o no keia la.

2005-12-01T23:05:00.000-10:00

//under construction//

Teaching

2005-11-29T02:32:00.000-10:00

[edit]

I'm too tired and too annoyed at my own inferiority to leave this post up in its entirety.

This is much better.

2005-11-28T14:48:00.000-10:00

I have since moved on from Myspace, though one would question how much this blasted thing could theoretically resemble Xanga.

It matters little. He mea'ole. What does matter, however, is that I am regrettably tired and am in need of rest and relaxaxion. Relaxaxion, indeed.